I am a very simple girl who makes a lot of mistakes with respect to her emotions. I somehow, always end up getting attached with a person who can not handle these feelings. I consistently, make mistakes and when I cry, people without fail tell me that I am the one who is stupid and I get attached very soon.
But, I sometimes wonder, that what is the reason I make same kind of mistake with different face, again and again. After, analysing, I realised that first of all, my love for anyone is not a mistake and secondly, may be I just want someone to listen and understand. And in a freshly brewed relation, there is ample amount of listening and understanding and may be if the person who appears to be my ‘well-wisher’, stops repeating the ‘dos and don’t’ remark, and tries to listen to my wounded experience, then we both could break out of this viscious circle. I feel, listening is the best gift a person can give to both sad and happy person. Very early in life, a person realises theoretical Dos and Donts, but what could actually help a person is the feeling that someone cares, someone cares enough to listen, to understand, to just be there …The only way, one could be there for me in my knowledge is, when he/she stops displaying their knowledge when I want to be heard.
Another thing, which I feel needs to be handled differently, is the meaning that we have perceived of ‘Emotions and feelings’. I am not here to lecture at the philosophical front about the deepest meaning these words have, but the small observation I have made, states that emotions and feelings are being confused with money management these days. My well wishers, often say that do not invest your feelings on a person who does not return them equally or with some profit. But, feelings were supposed to be coming from within and naturally, how can I stop them for a person. And how exactly, do we calculate ? How can love fade away when the other person cannot return it … is there some kind of essential transaction which I am missing? I believe, love is the same feeling, be it for parents, sibling, partner, friend or in any unnamed relation. With components being the same, just the boundaries and expression differs. How can I just stop loving if the other person cannot love me ? How can I stop wishing happiness for a person, if that person is happy with someone else? What kind of love is this ?
I cannot do transactional love, and I have zero success record of this kind of love… I fear, of getting immune …