This would be the first time, when I am using my blog, just as a scratch pad, where I write down my weird feelings, incompletely. But I guess, it is not always that one can turn down his/her feelings with a game, or a serial, or just by sleeping. These escape routes just don’t let your feelings escape.
It might have happened with so many, that sitting on a bed, at night, one pictures all relationships he/she have ever been through and paint all those colors of sorrows and smiles, on a canvas with the brushes of memory. But, one just feels their forbidden thoughts at that moment. These feelings become loud, speechless emotions when you happen to realize even after so many colors and shapes, the canvas of life is blank and rougher. And, believe me; it’s brutal!
I never realized that when I traveled from being more ebullient to being more rebellious. I never acknowledged that I just want to prove and not experiment. I never realized when playing became competition and friends became competitors. I simply never realized, I just became what I thought I would never be.
But, I know these words, which I write now, would just embarrass me tomorrow, and I would laugh them off saying that it is just another oestrogen explosion. And maybe, these words would again find their meanings and visions, on some other night when I sit alone in my bedroom and memory plays hide-n-seek with me once again and, I lose again.